Lockdown 3.0: Week Five

Second month of 2021, and it appears to be raining continuously. The only positive to February so far seems to be the way it looks on a calendar. As a student I always loved February, the shorter month meant less school days, half term and valentine's day all in one. Not to mention as a teen I often went on the school ski trips in the February half term, which might've been some of my favourite adolescent memories. Regardless, as an adult February doesn't seem to have such an appeal - the optimism of March with the reality of January.

This week, as the ones proceeding it, have been incredibly uneventful and the mental effort of maintaining a weekly blog is starting to take its toll. My time is now consisting of ways to fill my day to make myself feel productive, without having a steady job or anything urgent to do. One evening during dinner this week I realised that due to my self-employed state, my office hours are 24/7, rather than the expected 0. Which means that as soon as something, anything, comes through for me to do I jump on it - quick before it goes. This means I tend to be looking for work through the day and actually doing it in the evenings, unconventional but often results in me being incredibly tired, for fear/excitement of having something to do. I think this week's lessons have been about pressure, and coming to terms with the fact that I was made redundant last May and due to the global pandemic I haven't started another job, just been scraping around for projects to keep myself occupied. Either way, I think I need to learn to take a little pressure off myself and hold off the guilty feeling of being unemployed - a bit.

The reason why my lack of finances has been at the forefront of my mind is that Jack and I are finally looking into buying a place, hopefully this year some time. After filling out the paperwork and several phone calls with the bank, to help get an Agreement in Principle (because apparently you need one of those first), I was struck with how little I know about this process. Whilst on the phone to NatWest she would ask a question and several times my response would be followed by "is that the right answer?". I'd like to think I have a vague concept of how one might get a mortgage but in reality I only learnt how to spell the word for this blog post. I guess it'll be a "learn as you go" type case - I love when those type of situations always involve thousands of pounds, giving me visions of accidentally applying for a mortgage on the moon or something.

A way I have been occupying myself over the last few months has been by journalling. As something I have often seen on Pinterest I thought I might as well give it a go. In previous years I have attempted to keep a similar journal that I would update daily with my sleep pattern and exercise routine but I cant see the point of that. This year's journal (bought at ALDI) however, is to be more of an artistic and creative outlet rather than a "habits tracker". Taking cuttings from old magazines, using a variety of coloured paper and patterned tape to create a sort of scrapbook page of "tips to sleep better" is a very tactile activity, one I enjoy immensely. I have discovered that I am not as cohesively creative compared to the Pinterest posts, but if I just copy their pattern even more effort is taken out and I can knock up a couple pages in just one Disney movie.

Jack and I have both got little crafty activities we enjoy doing on a free evening in front of the tv. However our taste in "relaxing films" tends to be quite different. I am comforted by light-hearted animation that suspends your sense of reality (on purpose), and whisks you away to a magical kingdom far far away, and Jack likes The Bourne Identity. I think my husband's taste in films is very good; action, adventure, problem solving etc, but after a long day I don't want to try and work out "who the killer is" or "how do we save the office party from a burning building", I want to switch off and listen to mermaids serenade me on how great having two legs is. But the middle ground for this weeks movie marathon is Lord of the Rings - maybe I can swing that as his choice and next week we do the Toy Stories.

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